March 2005 Archives

Remember that time back in college when you ran out of soap but you really needed a shower? You know the time I'm talking about, right? The time when you used the shampoo because it was all you had.

Yeah. Remember that one time when you were out of shampoo AND soap at the same time? Hoo! And the only soapy type thing you could find in the house was the dish soap, so you showered with the dish soap?

Heh heh heh.

Why am I bringing this up now, you ask? Uhm... No reason.

. Topher

Old Mac Donald had a farm
Ee-Eye-Ee-Eye-Oh
And on tha-

"Mommy, what does Ee-Eye-Ee-Eye-Oh mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything."

And on tha-

"But it's in the song."

"Yes, but it doesn't mean anything."

"Then why is it in the song?"

"It just is, ok?"

"But what does it mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything at all. It's just in the song, Christopher. We just sing it."

And on that far-

"Why do we sing something that doesn't mean anything?"

"It's just a song. Are you going to sing it or not?!"

And on that farm he had a...

Melaka was a hoot. It's a very touristy place, in sharp contrast to Ipoh, which was just a back-water town. In Ipoh, my friends dragged me around to all their favorite haunts and tried to pass me off as just another friend. Nobody was fooled. My whiteness shines like a the thousand candlepower lighthouse on a moonless night, even notwithstanding the shiney bald head I have.

But we were talking about Melaka. In Melaka, I got to join the hordes of tourists scampering through the streets and crawling all over the town. It was fun.

Right down the street from our hotel was this old temple that had been converted to a Temple of Holy Desserts. I think I laughed for a whole block. Then I noticed some flowers and had to take another picture.

The streets in the inner town part of Melaka don't even bother with lanes. But they decorate nicely. There are trishaws all over the place. Most of them have nice plump white folk on the cushey seat and some skinny baba leaning into the pedals like they were a harsh winter wind.

Walking along the touristy street, there were a whole swarm of shops, all selling touristy junk. They had various clever things out in the fronts of their establishments to lure people in. There were also several temples. They all had these beautiful ornate carvings and inlays all over their fronts. I only went inside one. It was basically a house with a big fat alter in the front room.

As we were walking up and down this touristy strip, I noticed a little alleyway snugged between a couple of well-decorated shops. The whole scene completely entranced me for a moment. I swam in my head off to some science fiction world where the entire community of Asian cultures was just a big production, a lot like Westworld. But I got hungry, so I came back to this world.

We went and found a little resturaunt that served rice balls and fish balls and beef balls and nice cold drinks to go with them all. (I know, I know, you didn't know rice had balls, har har.) There was this one old guy behind the counter who was taking whole roasted chickens and a big huge knife and chopping them up. It was cool to watch him. And a little freaky, in a horror movie sorta way.

That resturant had a hole in the ground for a toilet. Granted, the hole in the ground was tiled, but it was still a hole in the ground. With a hose. Don't forget the hose.

By the time we were done munching on all those balls, the touristy strip had magically transformed itself into a night market. So of course, we had to trapse up and down the same strip a few more times. Oddly, it was fun.

The next day we went to another touristy place. It was a famous place. I know this because it was called "A Famosa." There was a canon. Yeap. Couldn't resist.

And that was my trip to Melaka.

. Topher

My neighbor's son got arrested the other day.

I didn't know what was going on. I was trying to take a dump. (You know... poop.) I had created a nice pleasant environment, one that would encourage the relaxation one must attain to complete such tasks. I had music on in the background and a good book in my lap. But my dog kept growling and barking like a raving, rabid, mad... uh... dog, completely disrupting my tranquility, and thus the job I was endeavoring to complete. Chip doesn't growl and bark aggressively very often, but when he does it sounds like he's about to rip right through the very fabric of reality to get at his quarry.

Oh, I tried to salvage the situation. I tried to calm the dog from my throne so I could get back to business. Obviously there was no chance that would work. So there we were, dog going nuts, Topher peering around the corner of the bathroom door with his pants around his ankles, several cops in front of my house grouped around the hand-cuffed guy. At the time the whole scene didn't seem very funny to me.

Anyhow... Yeah, so the 19-year old son of my neighbor, who has been living in her garage since I moved in, who often has lots of people over for freestyle rap sessions and general carousing, was busily getting arrested. By the time I got cleaned up and to the window to spy like a good busy-body neighbor, they were pretty much done with the talking part of the show. They shoved him in the back of the car and drove off.

A few hours later I saw that his sister was out on the front porch having a smoke, so I moseyed over to get the story. She tried to tell me what had happened. She used all english words, and I din't understand any of what she said. It was bit like she was talking in Cockney. (Don't know what that is? The wikipedia knows.)

I wish I could remember what she said, though. It'd be a fun study in San Jose Inner City Slang. Anyhow, she stared at me for a few minutes after she reached the end of her schpiel. And I stared blankly back. So she finally said, "Oooo-kaaaay," and laughed.

"White boy," I said laughing with her. So then she restated everything in simple white-boy terms so even I could understand. He was allegedly had a little side business going dealing drugs (I wasn't clear about what drugs). Actually, I don't think he had a job, so I guess it was more of a "main staple." And he also apparently was high when they picked him up.

Yap. I live next door to a drug dealer. WOOHOO!

Good times.

. Topher