I often refer to myself as a "Honky White Boy." Thus, my ass is, quite understandably, often quipped as my "Honky White Ass."
I
attribute my fond embracement of my Honkiness to my father. See, my dad
was born a poor white boy in Texas, working the farms and praising the
Lord. I guess you learn to value those unique qualities that get you
razed in some circles, because no matter how much we teased him, he has
never lost his fondness for cowboy boots. (Though we have managed to
get them gallon hats toned down to a fedora or a John Deere cap.) And
he often referred to himself as "just a poor honky white boy."
So
there I am, thirty-something years along in life, thinking I'm the
definition of "Honkiness." I'm sitting in some cheesey rice place (that
is to say, a place which serves rice covered in cheese) under the
Petronas Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur, a happy honky white boy. My
oh-so-lovely girlfriend, a Chinese-Malaysian who speaks English better
than many Americans, points out a table of rather loud and raucous
Chinese and says, "See them, they're all Honky's."
"Ruhr?" I eloquently grunted. "They're what?"
She giggled, "We call them Honky's because they're from Hong Kong."
And
there I was, amazed again at how ego-centric I so often am, and
realizing that Americans often are. Which, of course, made me realize
that I'm the definition of "American." ... Woe.
Yeah. For those of you thinking about elk, burritos and other such things, just keep on thinking.
Alright. Enough of my babbling. The short of this whole smile business:
The single, most impactful, most significant thing you can do to make
you a better person is to smile. Smile to be pretty, smile to be smart,
smile to get girls and smile for your heart.
Gentlemen, I've learned a secret. Not just any secret. I've learned a
secret that gets girls HOT. There's no ingestion of any pharmaceuticals
of any sort involved here and no shrubberies, herberies or highly
concentrated powders. It has nothing to do with chocolate or diamonds,
the number of cylinders your truck has, or the size of your... hands.
Girls LOVE it, they actually think it's SEXY (I'm not exaggerating here) when a guy washes their dishes!
So
there we were at this party in Seattle this past weekend. There were
several women there. One particular guy, a guest, kept ending up in the
kitchen washing dishes. I said, "You know, I've heard that girls think
one of the sexiest things a guy can do is her dishes."
The
girlfriend of this guy suddenly appeared at his elbow, "Oh no," she
said, "Don't you go doing my dishes for me. Those are my dishes."
I
gotta admit, I was a bit confused. So out I went to the main room. In a
nice loud voice I said, "I've heard that girls like it when a guy does
the dishes for her. Is that true?"
Every woman in that room got
all bright-eyed and perky. "Oh that's so hot," they said. One girl
piped in, "Oh, and mowing the lawn... soooo hot!"
I
know what you think. You think maybe they were just using a nice little
psychological trick to get their guys to do a few chores around the
house, right? Heh. Yeah maybe, but I'd bet if you were to conduct your
own little empirical study you will find a direct correlation between
doing the dishes and doing the girl.
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